I spent the majority of my day today feeling unsettled, restless and anxious. It started yesterday afternoon really, and came from out of nowhere. I went to bed last night and couldn't sleep. Had a lot on my mind and ended up being awake until almost 12:30 this morning. Not good when I get up between 4:45 and 5 for work every day. I woke up still tired, which only made my anxiety worse. Stopped and got a coffee with a shot of espresso on my way to work, because let's be honest here - I'll use any excuse to stop for coffee ;-)
For those of you who don't suffer from anxiety issues, you have no idea how overwhelming it can be. Some of you know exactly what I am talking about, the urge to give up and just go to bed, pull the covers over your head and hide from the world. Or cry. I am a crier when the anxiety takes over. I'll cry over anything. Like dropping a spoon on the floor at work. Wash it and move on right?? Sure, all the while fighting back tears and wondering why nothing can ever go right - because you dropped a spoon. It may seem dramatic or like overkill, but some days it's my reality.
I got home from work, happy because Russ was off this afternoon and while we had no plans I was just happy to be home with him. I have this way of faking happy to try and hide my anxiety from people, but Russ sees right through it. Today was no different. I've been wanting to get my haircut for a while, so he suggested we go to the mall so I could get my haircut and he could wander around (really he was looking for a video game I've been wanting :) ).
So our afternoon/evening went like this:
The mall - where I cut 4" off my hair and Russ didn't find my video game he was trying to surprise me with. (This was a blessing in disguise. My addictive personality + video games = a very unproductive me!)
Longhorns Steakhouse - because I mentioned I was hungry for steak. We both enjoyed an adult beverage, yummy steaks, baked potatoes and salad, and relaxing conversation.
The Lifeway store - I've been looking for signs to hang up to remind us of our words and verses for the year, thought they may have some sort of Joy and Peace signs there but we didn't find either. We did find a few other things so it was a productive trip.
Target - the hunt for the signs continued, to no avail.
A.C. Moore - do I really need a reason?? LOL. It's in the same plaza as Lifeway and Target and I had a coupon - how could I not go?! Found some more stuff for the Project Life books I am going to start working on soon, so yay.
Russ wanted ice cream, so a trip through the DQ drive through for him was our last stop for the night.
It was on our way home that I noticed my anxiety was gone. The tightness in my chest was gone. I felt like me again. I love how my husband just gets me. He knows my moods, how not in control of my own thoughts I sometimes feel, and how feeling overwhelmed can sometimes just feel like its swallowing me whole. He also knows how frustrating this can be for me. Without me even realizing what he was doing, he "fixed" me. I'm not even entirely sure he realizes that he does this. That he has this calming effect on me, even when he isn't trying to. I think tonight he was just trying to distract me. And let's face it, I mentioned steak - like he was going to let that go lol. ((I can cook just about anything but I have yet to master steaks, so I very rarely attempt cooking them at home.))
Tonight I am laying in bed feeling like myself again, thanks to this amazing man who is snoring softly next to me. I'm not far behind him, not sure how I've stayed awake this long honestly. Probably because I knew I wanted to write about this day, because I want to remember it. And also so that tomorrow when Russ gets a notification that I have posted another entry to my blog, he will come here and read this. He will read that I know just how lucky I am to be laying here next to him, to be spending my life with a man who loves me beyond comprehension, and that I am grateful for him and appreciative of him and everything he does for me. I thank God every day for giving me this man to share the journey through this life with me. There's no one else I'd rather be riding this crazy train with. Russ, I love you more!!